Category Archives: Satirical Quotes

Oh, Uh. . . .

“Some people have a way with words, and other people…oh, uh, not have way.”
— Steve Martin

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The Four Seasons

“Allegorical, metaphorical, metonymic, literal. Literature’s four seasons”
— Eleanor Catton


“Along with the sonnets and blank verse
comes this: the gossip
about which poet is sleeping
with which poet, about who left whom

for who. Don’t you know
the formalists only go to bed
with other formalists
but the free versers will screw
anybody, even the novelists.”

From Open Books by Sherman Alexie

“Along with the…

“The writer’s job is to get the main character up a tree, and then once they are up there, throw rocks at them.”

~ Vladimir Nabokov

“The writer’s j…

“Books to the ceiling,
Books to the sky,
My pile of books is a mile high.
How I love them! How I need them!
I’ll have a long beard by the time I read them.”

~ Arnold Lobel

“Books to the c…

“If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster.”

~ Isaac Asimov

“If my doctor t…

“In my experience, writers tend to be really good at the inside of their own heads and imaginary people, and a lot less good at the stuff going on outside, which means that quite often if you flirt with us we will completely fail to notice, leaving everybody involved slightly uncomfortable and more than slightly unlaid.
So I would suggest that any attempted seduction of a writer would probably go a great deal easier for all parties if you sent them a cheerful note saying “YOU ARE INVITED TO A SEDUCTION: Please come to dinner on Friday Night. Wear the kind of clothes you would like to be seduced in.”

And alcohol may help, too. Or kissing. Many writers figure out that they’re being seduced or flirted with if someone is actually kissing them.”

~ Neil Gaiman on flirting with / seducing writers 

“In my experien…

“People think that I must be a very strange person. This is not correct. I have the heart of a small boy. It is in a glass jar on my desk”

~ Stephen King 

“People think t…

” I gave up [writing] once and started watching television with my wife. Television drove me back to Catch-22. I couldn’t imagine what Americans did at night when they weren’t writing novels.”

~ Joseph Heller 

” I gave up [wr…